Why Do Men Leave Good Women Like You? And You Never Saw It Coming…

In today’s mailbag, it doesn’t really matter if you’re gay or straight.  Let’s find out the real reason why some men leave women.

Hello my name is Charice and I am 21 years old from Derby England. I am lesbian and was in a long distance relationship with a girl aged 24 from London who I met on a dating website. We had not met yet. She says she still wants to meet as friends sometime. We were together almost three months from March to the middle of June. At first things seemed fine. She told me

I was her new girlfriend within two days of meeting me online. There were a few things at the beginning which caused me to not trust her. She would go onto the dating site to chat to other people when she was with me but she told me they were friends so I started to believe her.

There were things that she would do which caused me to be suspicious sometimes. She would tell me she was going off Facebook and goodnight but really she would go back online in a few hours. When I mentioned this to her she would be honest and tell me she was just popping online to post something.

She was very religious and her family was very religious. They were Christians and black she told me that her family is very strict. She told me during our relationship that her family didn’t accept that she was gay and they will only be happy if she goes with a guy.

She told me how before she had run away because she is gay and her family are so unaccepting. Then she told me she doesn’t want to upset her family but she wants both me and her family.

 During our relationship there were a few small fallouts because she would get upset or angry when I sometimes didn’t trust her completely because I’d ask her why she was online when she’d told me she was going to bed. But she was quite sensitive and seemed to get hurt very easily and I didn’t intend to hurt her when I did.

Sometimes we’d not speak for a day then she’d answer her phone and we’d talk through things and sort it out. She would tell me that she would never cheat on me she’s not like that she doesn’t play games. I apologized to her. She said to me let’s move forward the week before the end of our relationship.

We seemed like we were moving forward. She told me a week later she just wants to be friends. When I asked her reason she told me it was because of her faith.  When I asked was it because of before she said it wasn’t to do with that. I’ve done nothing wrong. But I feel it is my fault partly.

She said that god does not like gays and it’s a sin to be sex talking to another girl. I asked her to give it a thought and she said she can’t. We had a no contact which she initiated for two weeks then she contacted me again online. When I said I was sorry she said it ok you don’t need to be sorry.

The next day I told her when she was online that I was sorry for when I didn’t treat her well.  She said “it’s fine babe”. I told her I will treat you well and she said “it was fine”. I told her we have a special connection and she said “aww sweet”. I asked could we give another try and her reply was “I’m sorry babe I can only be your friend”. We spoke a bit online as friends.

Then just this week I sent her a seed letter. I tried removing her resistance by saying I understand where you’re coming from about the breakup and I don’t want us to fight anymore.

But I’m not sure whether it made a difference I think I contacted her too soon after sending it because I wasn’t sure if she’d read or ignored it. I said to her yesterday can we talk things over and she said yes. Then I said I’m sorry for not treating you right before and she said apology accepted. I said can we forget the past?  She said I already did.  Then I asked her can we give it another try I want to treat you right as my girlfriend. And she said “but we can only be friends. When I asked the reason why she just wants to be friends she said it’s because of her faith and now I’m confused is it down to her faith and did she forgive the past anyway? Or is it because of both reasons?

She seems to have forgotten the past when we made up before but she says the only reason is her faith. I asked if she’s single and she says yes she is. She says she is looking for a guy. I asked her I thought you were gay? 

Now she says I was gay but now I’m straight. And I think it’s because of her family or religion. Is there a way to budge her resistance? I’m not sure if she thinks about the past even though she says she forgot it?  Or is it just religion like she says?  I didn’t trust her before at the beginning but I want to show her that I’m better now. I think religion may be to blame for the breakup.

She considers herself single but I don’t. I still hope I have a chance of persuading her but not sure exactly how to do it. We both liked music and cooking were the hobbies we both liked. I know that I need to improve on trusting her more I think this might help.

Is it possible to reverse this breakup and show her that religion should not break us up as well as show her I will be better to her and trust her more?

Thanks for the help…


Hi Charice,

Wow, do you have a story.  You seem to have hit every point to why people leave certain relationships, no matter if you’re a man or woman.  You talk about cultural differences, long-distance relations, online dating, friend zone and so on.  I could see that you really don’t want to let this girl go.  Well, I have some good news and some bad news.  Usually when a breakup occurs due to cultural differences or confusion with one’s sexual orientation, there is a good chance that it can work out further down the road.

Now, for the bad news.  It these things don’t matter if you get put into the dreaded “friend zone”.  Your ex is just making excuses NOT to get back together with you.  She didn’t suddenly wake up and figure out that she’s straight!  Like in the beginning of your relationship, she was into you so much that she didn’t care. 

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